I'm going to have a pity party and you're invited!
My period always begins on the morning of 13 days past ovulation, I have a 12 day luteal phase. Thanks to the super cheap pack of wondfo's I got earlier in the month, I began testing at 8DPO. Every single last one was a big fat negative. Stark white, not even a hint of an evaporation line. Yesterday morning my temperature took a nose dive so I was fully prepared for my period to arrive at it's normal time. Except that it didn't. It didn't arrive yesterday morning, afternoon, or evening. It still hadn't arrived this morning and my temperature jumped back above the coverline. Nada this afternoon, too. So while I was bored at work I decided to look up the reviews for wondfo HPTs on Amazon. Lo and behold lots of women have complained about not getting a positive on them when they really are pregnant. So my mind jumped into overdrive. Maybe I really
was pregnant!
Andy and I had to go over to my parent's house for dinner. On the way home I stopped off at Target and bought a few essentials. Deodorant, mouth wash, a five pack of digital HPTs, face wash, bread....When I got home my period still hadn't started, so I peed on one of the digitals and set it on the counter. Right before I was going to look at the test I felt my period begin. I checked and it had most definitely started, I didn't even need to look to know the digital was going to tell me I was "Not Pregnant". I think I said quite a few swear words then cried on Andy's shoulder for a few minutes.
I feel like an idiot but it's time to move on, no more pity party. God has perfect timing, I just need to keep reminding myself of that. Things don't happen in my perfect timing because I don't know what God has in store for us. When the time is right He will know and He will make it happen. If we get pregnant this cycle then the baby would likely have their estimated due date on Andy's birthday. He proposed to me on his birthday four years ago, it would be awesome to be able to give him a child five years later. Here's to hoping and praying!
I'm so sorry! I know how awful that feeling is. And it's ok to have a pity party once in a while. I am working on a post that will include this quote: "Part of Christ’s mission is to heal broken hearts. He came to wipe away our tears, not to ensure that we would never weep" (see Revelation 7:17). I had been praying for God to take away my pain, but it wasn't until I prayed for comfort and the ability to deal with the pain I felt that I finally found peace with my first loss. And then literally the next I realized I was pregnant again, started spotting that afternoon, and miscarried one week later. I have felt more peace since that day then I have in a long time. I hope this next cycle is the one for you with the special dates.
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Kerstin
ugh, i'm so very sorry melissa. i will totally join your party...you need a hug. af just loves to show at the most perfect moments...grrr
ReplyDeleteplease don't feel like an idiot. you've been so positive and when you get the news, sometimes you just have to cry it out, curse, scream...punch something! ;)
i went through a 25ct box of those wondfos months ago like nobody's business. i liked the price but i agree, they were sketchy.
i want to know what brand @ target sells 5 at a time!? :) that's awesome and bad at the same time, for someone like me!
you're in my prayers! <3
You know, when I got pregnant, I was a WEEK late the month before. A week! I had totally decided that I was pregnant and almost told people (cause I'm loony like that). But then it came. Ugh. But THEN...the next month, I WAS pregnant. Maybe it's like a good luck charm.
ReplyDeleteI've had this happen before too! Isn't He scary sometimes! I also think like you when the time is right it will happen. In the meantime this is oh so hard! I do often feel that He is testing me. What the message or lesson is I do t know yet. I just have to Believe.
ReplyDeleteCyndi ICLW 128. I will follow you as soon as I get to a computer. I'm on my phone and I can't seem to find where to follow you :-)