My First Post

Alright, it's time for me to start blogging again!  I've been an on/off blogger since I was 13 years old, but I've really gotten out of it the past few years.  Since our miscarriage in January I've found it really comforting to read blogs from women who have been through it.  I've decided that if even one woman can find comfort from my story, then it's worth telling.  So in this first post I'll give lots of background information!

I am a 28 year old Texan girl.  I was born and raised in the same city I currently live in.  My parents are two of the most amazing people on the face of the planet, and I am an only child.  I met my husband, Andy, when I was working at Hollywood Video in his home town.  He was friends with one of my coworkers, and they came in together to pick up coworker's check.  The first things Andy ever said to me was to ask me my name because I looked "like a guy" he knew.  Needless to say, it was not love at first sight for me!  He was a 17 year old skater boy with long, greasy, curly hair.  I was a 21 year old college student, working full time and going to school full time.  But Andy steadily pursued me.  It's crazy to think that he knew at such an early age that I was "the one" for him.  He finally convinced me and we began dating in 2005.

When I moved back to my home town for a job in 2006, he followed me.  Andy proposed on his birthday in 2007.  We got married less than six months later, and then bought a house in 2009.  Andy is my soul mate, as cheesy as that sounds.  He is my rock, and I could not have survived any of what we have had to face without him.

We began trying to conceive around our third wedding anniversary.  We were so excited to find out that we were pregnant on 12/31/10.  What a wonderful day to find out you are expecting!  I thought for sure that 2011 would be the best year ever.  Unfortunately, less than two weeks later I had a natural miscarriage at about 6 weeks.  We were both beyond devastated.  Andy has been an amazing support for me.  When I found out I was miscarrying I had a few moments where I thought I couldn't go on, that it wasn't possible for me to handle the pain.  Andy was right there, holding me and telling me that together we would survive.  I survived because of him.  I've managed to overcome most of my grief, because of him.   I'm still very sad, but I have hope too.  We planted a redbud tree in our backyard as a memorial for our lost baby, and I wear a sapphire ring to remember them.  The estimated due date for our baby was 9/10/11, and a sapphire is the September birth stone.

2011 has not been the magical year I was expecting.  I lost my grandpa this month, he was 85 years old.  I was very close to him, and I feel his absence like a hole in my heart.  On top of all of that, my mom had back surgery on the 25th of this month.  It's been a rough month inside of a difficult year.

But all of that is behind us.  I cannot focus on the sadness and negativity any longer.  I have to keep hoping and praying that this year will still be wonderful.  I have therefore decided that June 1 marks the beginning of 2011 part two!  This blog is part of my healing, and processing.  And this is our journey as we continue to try to conceive, carry, and bring home our first living child.