Take It Off

"If the weight of the world is on your shoulders

got a week of worries on your mind

go on do what you wanna do

soak you up a little sunshine

dig your hand down in a cooler

grab a cold one and twist the top

take it off" 

~ Joe Nichols, Take It Off

I hope Maria at Every Day Is A Country Song doesn't think I'm ripping off her blog idea with this post!  She does an amazing job matching country songs to what is going on in her life, and I certainly am not trying to compete.  I couldn't, even if I wanted to!

But I love this song and it has inspired me.  I really feel like I have been walking around with the weight of the world on my shoulders and far more than a week of worries on my mind!  I'm ready to unload and take it all off. 

I feel that:

I am responsible for losing our baby.  

I will never get pregnant again.

There must be something wrong with my body. 

If I do get pregnant again, I will have another miscarriage.

I am a failure because my body cannot support a healthy pregnancy. 

Andy is going to end up hating me because my body and a child are not compatible.

My friends do not like the person I have become. 

My parents are getting older.  After seeing my grandpa's rapid decline I'm scared.

I should have known my grandpa's health was declining.  I should have made my mom and uncle act sooner.

I'm a selfish person for not wanting to be around anyone who is currently pregnant and due near my EDD. 

Just writing those out, even knowing that a lot of them are irrational, makes me feel so much lighter.  I think when you experience something traumatic it's human instinct to want to know the reason.  For lack of outside sources for our pain we then look inward.  We then blame ourselves.  My mom is what I like to call a "super woman".  She has always been strong for others, doing more and giving more than she should.  I am a lot like her and as a result I am so much harder on myself than on anyone else.  I have high expectations for those around me, but I set the bar for myself so much higher.  It's pretty much impossible for me to meet my expectations for myself, let alone exceed them.  I need to stop.  I need to take off the expectations and the self imposed pressure. 

I did not cause my miscarriage.  

I will get pregnant again.  

I can't say for sure that I won't miscarry again, but I certainly hope not.  We have a plan in place for when I do get pregnant again and a plan is the best I can do right now.  God has perfect timing.  

Andy loves me and will continue to love me no matter what.  We will have living children one day, no matter what.

My true friends love me and will support me throughout all of the ups and downs of life.

Hindsight is 20/20 and blaming myself for my grandpa is not of any use to anyone.  

My parents are aging but worrying about it doesn't do anyone any good.

It's okay to feel sad and a little jealous around those due near my EDD.  It's human nature and there is no way to stop feeling that way.  But I can and will do my best to treat them the way I would want them to treat me if the situations were reversed.

Now where is that cold one?